


Kishin Thoughts

by PrinceAdamsCourage



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 12:23:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13146630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceAdamsCourage/pseuds/PrinceAdamsCourage
Summary: A drabble about Asura's thoughts





	Kishin Thoughts

He thinks a lot about what it means to be a kishin.

What does it mean to be a kishin anyway? It's been several months since he was awakened from that awful sealing. Asura wonders why he kishinized in the first place. It's not actually a thing he thought about. Why did he betray order? Why did he kill his own partner? There were several reasons that came to mind, but most of all he realized he was **scared**.

Fear. It's something vague. What exactly is fear? He's become the concept of it, the embodiment of the madness of fear. Yet, what did that actually mean to him? Asura thinks, thinks because that's all he can do since he found this hiding space on the moon. It's dark, comfortable, enclosed but he still didn't feel safe.... Why? What did he have to fear now that he became virtually unkillable. Not even Lord Death seemed able to kill him so what drove his fear? The constant thinking, the constant buzzing of thoughts in his mind.... What did that mean? He realizes something- an 'aha' moment which sets off in his brain.

_Fear is born from imagination._

Is that why he kishinized? Asura feared everything but that alone is a vague concept because what is everything? What is everything but a vague idea, the same as nothing. Asura feared nothing and everything. if his mind could think it, Asura could fear it. Upon this realization, Asura realized that even if he ceased to think he would fear. For then he would fear the nothingness- the empty space in his mind and the silence it brought with it. There was no turning off the fear in his mind. That was the root of his wavelength. Did his wavelength not induce hallucinations? It freed the imagination, creating fears even if there were none. Ceasing to think would only create more fear. He'd fear that nothingness, that Silence, the empty space. He'd fear what would happen to him if he stopped thinking. In that fear more fears were born- a never ending cycle.

Somehow, no matter how many souls he ate, this outcome- this kishinizing- it would've happened no matter what happened to him. It's because everything inspired fear that Asura drifted from order to a path of madness. Kishinizing meant becoming a demon. Though, he felt no different than his usual self- which in turn made him fear even more. What if that power he sought to attained was only in his mind and not real. There was no real, tangible feeling he felt when becoming a kishin. Then again, he began and ended with fear A fear so strong that it continued to evolve as he did.

So what did it mean to kishinize? Was it an abstract concept? Yes. To Asura himself, he was no different than he was the day he was fragmented- a day he recalled with sheer terror. No one could imagine what it is like to remember being whole and then suddenly becoming a separate existence. That knowledge became the first thought, the first thing he actively feared. From there, that fear, that wavelength grew until it consumed his entire being. Unlike Lord Death, Asura never controlled his wavelength, allowing it to wash over and drown his existence until there was nothing left. Then, he set out on the path to kishinization. Consuming souls one after another, forcing Vajra to consume them and then consuming the weapon themself. This path was always destined. Asura felt that deep in the core of his soul

He was the kishin. He was the symbol of fear. Kishin equals fear. Fear equals him.

The root of his drive is security.... Kishin equals security as well. It's unattainable, just as perfection is an ideal to strive towards. Death the Kid and Lord Death will never attain perfection, yet they strive for it anyway. To Asura, security is the same thing. He will never attain it but he continues to strive towards it, a desire to feel safe. He'll never have it but he can't help the impulse to seek it out. That's what those innocent souls meant. Every time he consumed them, growing in power, he perhaps made one minute step towards his goal. Though he feared never being able to attain it, he feared what would happen if he stopped even more. That is why he continued on, trying to live and hide. Asura wants security.

Kishin means security, even if unattainable. it is a goal, something which can give him hope in the dark void of fear.

Asura fears that as well, but that's because he is fear.

He accepts this and waits for Shibusen to come.


End file.
